Today we are excited because I have a post from Andrew White a featured publisher of Loveawake.com – an Alaska-based dating site. He is a recognized expert on love, marriage and relationships and he is amazing. He beautifully explains the REAL difference between chemistry and love in this insightful article. We hope you learn more and enjoy the reading as we did.
If you hear yourself saying to your friends: ‘We have great chemistry’…do not pass go.
Instead stop, look and listen.
In the last few weeks I have had several conversations with some of my clients (who are single women over 40) about the importance of chemistry with men you meet.
If I were to ask you on a scale of 1 to 10, (10 being high) how you would rank chemistry as being important when meeting and dating a guy… what would you say?
If you’re like most women you would probably rank it pretty high on the scale.
So, what I’m about to tell you may be shocking to some and not acceptable to others.
But please keep reading to see if you may want to change your perspective on chemistry.
Chemistry vs Love?
Here is the reality…chemistry is over rated big time. In fact chemistry gets in the way of meeting Mr. Right and can put you on the track to meeting the ‘wrong men’.
So Suzy… are you trying to tell me that if a guy is not attractive to me I should not let that stand in the way of dating him?
Similar Link: How to Impress a Woman on First Date?
Is that the question that just popped in your mind?
My answer is…Yes and No.
If you are repulsed by a man because he’s obese or has rotten teeth or poor grooming habits and smells or whatever…that’s obviously a No answer… that will not work.
However, if you meet a man who is physically acceptable (meaning not repulsive) who treats you with respect, and appears to have values that you respect…and from first blush seems like a nice guy but you don’t feel much chemistry… than the answer is Yes.
Don’t let the lack of chemistry stop you from getting to know this man.
Here’s the thing that you must understand. Chemistry is not about love. Chemistry loses its ‘punch’ (so to speak) at some point in any relationship and now you’re left with the reality of who this man is without the chemistry. Most often he’s not the man that is best suited to you; In fact usually he’s the wrong man for you.
When you get to know a man first as a friend and you begin to value him as a trustworthy guy who has your back and is a support system to you, it’s at that point you have the beginnings of a ‘real love’ relationship.
True authentic love is based on something way better than what you know as chemistry.
In the case of true love the attraction factor is a soul to soul connection. This trumps chemistry hands down. It means you both enter into the relationship without needing something from each other to complete you in some way.
You leave your old baggage at the door and show up as a woman who most importantly has self love… which allows you to fully engage in a healthy, loving relationship. That is when you realize you are with your soul mate.
True love is about being perfectly okay with your partner’s individuality even when you disagree about something. In a mature relationship you learn to negotiate with each other when you need to come to a mutual decision. You accept him for exactly who he is and he accepts you in the same way.
When you are with the man best suited to you, there is total trust that this man has your best interest at heart. It’s a deep love that has the capacity to go through the hard times and in fact it’s those difficult times that actually deepen the relationship.
And when you’re with your true love…the good times are magical! You feel more alive and vibrant than you have ever even imagined for yourself.
YES, men like this do exist…you just need to learn how and where to find them.
Here’s where the rubber hits the road…
If you base a relationship on how much chemistry exists between you and him, than you will be blinded as to the real factors that you must-have for a successful relationship.
The glue that holds a soulmate-based relationship together is the body, mind and soul connection that you have with your partner. That’s the chemistry (so to speak) of authentic love… versus love based on the infatuation that is the result of a chemistry-based relationship.
So now you know…not only is chemistry over rated…but it is not a good predictor of he’s ‘The One.’
As a woman over 40 who is serious about finding your soul mate… remember real love is not an emotion like chemistry… it’s much deeper than that.